Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheDjinnTrials's best tweets

@TheDjinnTrials : If used correctly, Twitter can be used as an antidepressant. Just don't take it as a suppository.

@TheDjinnTrials: A fortune cookie told me I'd receive an important message soon.

The message in the bottle told me the fortune cookie was poisoned.

@TheDjinnTrials: Well excuse me all to hell. I thought you'd be flattered with a mosaic of pictures of you at the gym. No, you don't need to call the police.

@TheDjinnTrials: I will be with you always and forever, even during the rough times, until the day we die.

-Herpes

@TheDjinnTrials: Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation.

@TheDjinnTrials: Customer: Why do you own a hot dog stand when you draw and write?

Me: Wanna buy my book?

Them: No.

Me: That's why I own a hot dog stand.

@TheDjinnTrials: Fun thing to say to your neighbors on the first meeting: I love the way your hair smells when you're sleeping.