Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of TheHatStore's best tweets

@TheHatStore : me: hey dad will you pass the turkey

dad: *pats belly* I sure hope so son

@TheHatStore: [first time golfing]

caddy: which club would you like sir

me: do you have turkey

@TheHatStore: [spider party]

black widow: oh yeah looks like there are lots of edible bachelors here

@TheHatStore: me: [climbing a tree]

bonsai artist: please stop

@TheHatStore: [touring beyonce’s house]

me: *taking off my shoes* when do they inflate it

@TheHatStore: me: this glass is too small

bartender: would you prefer a tumbler

me: yes

acrobat: what can I get you

@TheHatStore: doctor: you want a note to get out of work?
me: please
doctor: [writing] you're... fired...

@TheHatStore: robber: empty the register now
me: sir this is a motel
robber: hurry up
me: ok *opens binder, starts erasing names*

@TheHatStore: doctor: *tearing from prescription pad* take two of these and come back next week

me: *chewing the paper* when do I get the second one

@TheHatStore: me: oooh is that a bowl of jelly beans on the table?

therapist: yes help yourself

me: [mouth already full of jelly beans] if I could do that I wouldn’t be here