Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us
@TheHatStore : me: hey dad will you pass the turkey
dad: *pats belly* I sure hope so son
@TheHatStore: [first time golfing]
caddy: which club would you like sir
me: do you have turkey
@TheHatStore: [spider party]
black widow: oh yeah looks like there are lots of edible bachelors here
@TheHatStore: me: [climbing a tree]
bonsai artist: please stop
@TheHatStore: [touring beyonce’s house]
me: *taking off my shoes* when do they inflate it
@TheHatStore: me: this glass is too small
bartender: would you prefer a tumbler
acrobat: what can I get you
@TheHatStore: doctor: you want a note to get out of work?
doctor: [writing] you're... fired...
@TheHatStore: robber: empty the register now
me: sir this is a motel
robber: hurry up
me: ok *opens binder, starts erasing names*
@TheHatStore: doctor: *tearing from prescription pad* take two of these and come back next week
me: *chewing the paper* when do I get the second one
@TheHatStore: me: oooh is that a bowl of jelly beans on the table?
therapist: yes help yourself
me: [mouth already full of jelly beans] if I could do that I wouldn’t be here
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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