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Page of TheHyyyype's best tweets

@TheHyyyype : math teacher: you currently have a 55% in this class and you need at least 60% to pass

me: is there anything i can do to raise my grade?

math teacher: if you do this one assignment, i'll give you 10% extra credit

me:

math teacher:

me: i don't- is that going to be enough

@TheHyyyype: law professor: you're currently failing your ethics class

me: *slides a $20 across the desk* how about now

@TheHyyyype: [first day as a mechanic]

customer: can i get a quote?

me: give me liberty or give me death

customer: i meant for the truck

me: oh sorry...autobots, roll out

@TheHyyyype: [first day as life guard]

guy in water: help! help!! i don't know how to swim!

me: *moving my arms* like this but in water

@TheHyyyype: wife: let's make pizza tonight

me: awesome, i'll go buy some oregano

[later]

wife: what's wrong?

me: damn kids sold me weed again

@TheHyyyype: angel: so what are plants gonna eat, since they can't move to find food?

god: *blows massive line* they'll eat the sun

@TheHyyyype: mom: *holding up baggie she found in my room* what the hell is this?

me: uhh that's called marijuana

mom: i know what it is, i mean why do you have it

me: to get high, jesus christ mom you said you knew what it was

@TheHyyyype: jane austen: *experiences pride and prejudice* hmm i think i'll write a book about this

j.d. salinger: *catches some rye* yeah same

@TheHyyyype: gf: remember, my dad's really into sports, so talk to him about that

me: will do

[later, meeting girlfriend's parents]

me: so, sir, jen tells me you're really into sports

her dad: that's right

me: why

@TheHyyyype: me: [staring up at the sun, then at the sunblock in my hands, then back up at the sun, then back at the sunblock]

my wife: you're wondering whether you put it on yourself or on the sun, aren't you

me: look i didn't go to medical school like you did ok