@TheIntComShow
My dog sure barks a lot for someone who needs a pep talk during thunderstorms
@TheIntComShow
@TheIntComShow
Oh eggs, through yonder window break. For I am the olive oil, and Juliet is the vinegar. Salt to taste. Blend to desired thickness
– Romayo and Juliet
@TheIntComShow
What Swiss Army Knife attachment do I use to put those holes in cheese?
@TheIntComShow
Me: Can I please have a stack of Italian pancakes?
Wife: you know damn well it’s called lasagna
@TheIntComShow
If Tim Horton’s is actually Canadian shouldn’t it be Tim Hourtoun’s?
@TheIntComShow
The only gardening I’m interested in doing right now is Olive Gardening
@TheIntComShow
I’m gonna scream “AVENGE ME!!!” and then just die of natural causes
@TheIntComShow
I told my kids to sit Kriss Kross applesauce and now they’re jumping
@TheIntComShow
Reasons my wife gets mad at me:
1. Something something something
1. Some other stuff
1. I don’t pay attention when she talks
@TheIntComShow
Me: Coke please
Waiter: Is heroin okay?