@TheNardvark

Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.

@TheNardvark

She said that having a successful marriage is all about making sacrifices so I threw her into a volcano.

@TheNardvark

The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length.

@TheNardvark

One time my dad caught me smoking an e-cig so he took me out to the shed and made me smoke an entire VCR.

@TheNardvark

Pretty cool that Sarah Connor saved mankind by raw-dogging a total stranger claiming to be a time traveller at the height of the AIDS scare.