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@TheOnion : Area 8-Year-Old Formally Rescinds Hunger Complaint Following Mother’s Insulting Banana Offer
@TheOnion: New App Matches You With Others In Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 On Same App
@TheOnion: ‘Us Weekly’ Wins Pulitzer For Outstanding Achievement In Photoshopping A Rip Between Divorced Celebrity Couple
@TheOnion: ‘Becoming A Mother Has Been The Most Thrilling Experience Of My Life,’ Reports Woman Fleeing Hospital With Stolen Baby
@TheOnion: To see more unmatched reporting, visit
@TheOnion: Bobcat Escapes National Zoo
@TheOnion: Step down to the next rung of our ever-lowering journalistic standards.
@TheOnion: Americans Celebrate 10 Millionth 'Bring Yourself To Work Day'