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@TheOnion : Mom Holds Knife To Throat Of Dinner Guest Who Offered To Help With Dishes
@TheOnion: Man Hoping People Notice How Many Folding Chairs He’s Carrying At Once
@TheOnion: Area Man Marries Woman He Barely Knows After 5 Years Of Dating
@TheOnion: Area Man Already Knows Which Chicken Tender He’s Saving For Last
@TheOnion: Pan Left To Soak Now Predates All Current Roommates
@TheOnion: Area 8-Year-Old Formally Rescinds Hunger Complaint Following Mother’s Insulting Banana Offer
@TheOnion: New App Matches You With Others In Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 On Same App
@TheOnion: ‘Us Weekly’ Wins Pulitzer For Outstanding Achievement In Photoshopping A Rip Between Divorced Celebrity Couple
@TheOnion: ‘Becoming A Mother Has Been The Most Thrilling Experience Of My Life,’ Reports Woman Fleeing Hospital With Stolen Baby
@TheOnion: To see more unmatched reporting, visit
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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