Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheOnion's best tweets

@TheOnion : CDC Recommends Also Wearing Face Mask On Back Of Head In Case Coronavirus Attacks From Rear

@TheOnion: Dad Unleashes Haunting Moan Of Satisfaction Upon Descending Into Hot Tub

@TheOnion: 20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day

@TheOnion: Seventh-Grade Class Scrambling To Piece Together Teacher’s Home Life From Desktop Background Before PowerPoint Opened

@TheOnion: Chipotle Employee Just Gave Guy In Front Of You More Rice

@TheOnion: NASA Social Media Manager Considers Himself Part Of Team

@TheOnion: Showerhead Self-Conscious About Single Jet That Sprays Sideways

@TheOnion: Mom Holds Knife To Throat Of Dinner Guest Who Offered To Help With Dishes

@TheOnion: Man Hoping People Notice How Many Folding Chairs He’s Carrying At Once

@TheOnion: Area Man Marries Woman He Barely Knows After 5 Years Of Dating