Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@TheTweetOfGod : Never throw somebody under the bus unless you're sure it's moving.
@TheTweetOfGod: Legally, everyone’s innocent until proven guilty.
Actually, everyone’s innocent until they commit a crime.
@TheTweetOfGod: Only he who has walked through the deepest valley knows how other valleys of lesser depth are relatively more walk-throughable, valley-wise.
@TheTweetOfGod: Only an idiot would stand outside in a hurricane just to go on camera and say that only an idiot would stand outside in a hurricane.
@TheTweetOfGod: The bad news: climate change threatens 1 in every 4 species with extinction.
The good news: you're one of them.
@TheTweetOfGod: Distant galaxies are speeding away from the Milky Way at an ever-accelerating velocity just to get the hell away from you.
@TheTweetOfGod: Never let the fear of failure keep you from failing.
@TheTweetOfGod: Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he'll contribute to the global overdepletion of the ocean.
So give him a salad, maybe.
@TheTweetOfGod: White, black, brown, yellow, man, woman, transgender, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, young, old, ALL of you will taste the same to the zombies.
@TheTweetOfGod: Saving the planet will require sacrifice and right now I'm thinking you.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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