Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheTweetOfGod's best tweets

@TheTweetOfGod : If you asked Jesus on the cross what he wanted the holiday marking his death to be called, "Good Friday" would not have leaped to his mind.

@TheTweetOfGod: Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot.

@TheTweetOfGod: Journalists love covering Lindsay Lohan because what she is to actresses, they are to professions.

@TheTweetOfGod: St. Patrick's Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland.

@TheTweetOfGod: Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards.

@TheTweetOfGod: The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.

@TheTweetOfGod: North Korea shows that you don't need religion to be crazy.

@TheTweetOfGod: "The Bible" running on the History Channel is like "Dragons" running on Animal Planet.

@TheTweetOfGod: On one hand, eating meat is bad for your body, bad for animals and bad for the earth. On the other hand, bacon.