@TheTweetOfGod: Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot.
@TheTweetOfGod: Journalists love covering Lindsay Lohan because what she is to actresses, they are to professions.
@TheTweetOfGod: St. Patrick's Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland.
@TheTweetOfGod: Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards.
@TheTweetOfGod: The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.
@TheTweetOfGod: "The Bible" running on the History Channel is like "Dragons" running on Animal Planet.
@TheTweetOfGod: On one hand, eating meat is bad for your body, bad for animals and bad for the earth. On the other hand, bacon.