Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of TheWidowmakerX's best tweets

@TheWidowmakerX : The human body is made up of 80% water, therefore, I'm not fat; I'm flooded

@TheWidowmakerX: It's with great sadness that I must say goodbye to you all!
My boyfriend and I argued over how much time I spend on here. He said I must choose between y'all or him. So, I'm gonna be offline for a couple minutes while I help him pack & call him an Uber ... I'll be right back

@TheWidowmakerX: "You have $400. Your boyfriend texts and says he needs $200 and your ex texts and says he needs $100. How much you have left?"

Me: $400 and 2 unread messages

@TheWidowmakerX: 'I'm so single that if I win a trip for two, I'm goin twice'

@TheWidowmakerX: I'm afraid I'm gonna need more alcohol to be in this relationship with me

@TheWidowmakerX: 'I choose my underwear based on how likely I am to have sex. Today, I'm wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway'

@TheWidowmakerX: Him: Are you crazy crazy, Craigslist crazy, or institutionalize crazy?

Me: Yes