@TheWidowmakerX

*Knocks down spider web*

Spider: Rude

*Hangs up spider web Halloween decorations*

Spider: Unbelievable

@TheWidowmakerX

Imagine the scariest ride you’ve ever been on ….

Got it?

Then there’s dating me.

@TheWidowmakerX

“What’s the most important thing that is missing from your sex life?”

Me: A partner

@TheWidowmakerX

{Speed dating}

Him: What are your interests?

Me: Guns, knives, blood, drugs, cemeteries…

Wait! Where are you going? We still have 3 min

@TheWidowmakerX

Some day, you too, will meet someone you want to spend the rest of your days without

@TheWidowmakerX

My boyfriend insists he told me something a few days ago and I know he didn’t.

*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*

*For the love of God- don’t say it*

Must have been your other girlfriend

@TheWidowmakerX

They say a symptom of Covid is loss of taste.
Looking back at my exes? I think I’ve been infected for years

@TheWidowmakerX

Him: “Age is just a number.”

Me: “Technically, age is a word….”

Anyways, that’s how I ended up blocked.

@TheWidowmakerX

Him: When was the last time a man held a car door open for you?

“When I was arrested” is not the best answer, apparently