@Thee1_4U

Having kids isn’t that bad, just don’t have like the really young ones.

@Thee1_4U

Everybody is complaining about their significant other, and I’m over here trying to keep mine charged above 10%.

@Thee1_4U

How to win an argument with a woman:

1. Too late, you’re already wrong.

@Thee1_4U

I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it’s my turn to play on it.

@Thee1_4U

Well well well, if it isn’t the guy who hired me looking over my shoulder, watching me stare at my phone… Brb.

@Thee1_4U

My daughter just said that I’m the best dad she’s ever had. So I got that going for me.

@Thee1_4U

Damn girl, are you a jar of pickles? Because I think I NEED to bang you on my kitchen counter.

@Thee1_4U

Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I’ve been one for 30 some years now.