@Thrill_Tweeter

H: “What do you want for Valentine’s Day?”

“A puppy.”

“Pick something else.”

“A different puppy.”

@Thrill_Tweeter

[The mid 20s catch up]

“What are you drinking, who you seeing?”

[The midlife catchup]

“Who’s your therapist, what are you taking for it?”

@Thrill_Tweeter

Hearing deteriorates as we get older. So why with every new year does the sound of someone eating become louder & more annoying?

@Thrill_Tweeter

[At the job interview]

“Why did you leave your last job?”

“They took a vote.”

@Thrill_Tweeter

Twitter – to help future generations discover if there’s ever been any mental illness in the family.

@Thrill_Tweeter

People with FB statuses like, “I’m so angry right now”, then when someone says, “What’s up?” they reply, “I’ll text you.” WHAT ABOUT US?