The bad news is we need to downsize on people named Jeremy, so you’re fired.
WHAT WAS THE GOOD NEWS?
India’s tiger population is up 30%!
Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.
Just wrote “except for you, spiders >:(” on my Welcome mat so that should be the end of that
Girls are like tornadoes because in pictures it’s like wow those look cool but in person it’s all omg what do I do
It’s impossible to slowly tiptoe around without activating T-Rex arms.
DiCaprio movie endings;
Shutter Island: is he dead?
Titanic: is the boat dead?
Romeo & Juliet: is everyone dead?
Inception: am I dead?
use words like ‘perpendicular’ when you language at people so they think you is good with vocabularying
*casually walks into a crowded Sushi Restaurant wearing a dolphin costume* *suddenly stops, looks horrified, & backs slowly out the door*
I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. nnThe police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.