escape room concept (advanced): it’s Christmas and your family is asking why you’re still single
Nobody has ever believed in me as much as the chef at this food cart who just handed me a burrito not wrapped in foil.
I just returned from a long trip and tossed my suitcase on the floor of my room, so I won’t see those clothes again for several months.
I have some overdue fees at the library, if you’re into bad boys.
Ever notice how loud the sound of opening a beer can at work is?
The best thing about money is that if you give it to the right person they’ll hand you donuts.
I hate it when I forget my password and the security questions make me relive all of my childhood.
For as much as they teach you “Stop, Drop, and Roll” as a kid, I really expected to be on fire at least once in my life.
The remote does not go next to the TV. That’s the opposite of why you have a remote.
It’s adorable how I write “beer” on my shopping list like I’d somehow forget.