I’m just saying, the ratio of people who say they “make their own sauce” doesn’t correlate with the amount of sauce available in stores


Have you ever had to call the landlord to ask for some caulk? How would you word that?


[Silver Singles Meetup]

Him: oh baby you’re so hot, tell me about yourself

Me: first of all, you remind me of the first date I ever had

Him: 😍*intrigued* go on…

Me: it was all dried up, wrinkly and left a bad aftertaste


Him: We’re going to the river, I should bring my wallet

Me: No just leave it here, wtf do you need it for?

His friend: She doesn’t want you to be found with any identifiers