@TravLeBlanc

I see from the Before and After pictures that not only did she lose weight using the product, it also gave her a tan, makeup, and a smile.

@TravLeBlanc

I’m jealous of how many friends the people on Intervention have.

@TravLeBlanc

Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.

@TravLeBlanc

“I don’t care how goodlooking you are if you don’t have any brains.” -Zombies

@TravLeBlanc

I’m not a womanizer! They were all women when I found them!

@TravLeBlanc

I wanna write a tweet that is so good that I can retire and just live off the retweets for the rest of my life.

@TravLeBlanc

I predict that Obama’s next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.

@TravLeBlanc

I’m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I’m your man.

@TravLeBlanc

I’m working on inventing an electronic Ouija board so that I can keep tweeting after I die.