Quarantine has given me some free time so I made an exit survey for people who left me on read on dating sites
*pulls a tiny monocle out of a jar of peanut butter*
OH GOD WHY
Me: Do you have any wrongdog?
“Ugh fine what’s wrongdog”
Me: thank you so much for asking I’m doing terrible
It will turn green in
Ah yes nailed it.
PILOT OVER INTERCOM: alright folks, by a show of hands, who has ever made a small and understandable mistake?
This is my favorite Twitter interaction ever.
Once I saved 10 kittens from a burning building and yes all the people died but look how cute they are
Very normal stages of anger:
1) kinda upset
3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show
“Hey pregnant, I’m dad”
“Oh god wait.”