I want my headstone to have lots of typos so I can continue annoying people.
I finally finished season one of searching Netflix.
Why would I want a vehicle that seats 8 people? I don’t even like 8 people.
Me: Throw in a few extra this time.
Pharmacist: We’ve talked about this.
Him: What’s your favorite dish?
Me: The one that holds the most food.
Employee: You know what’s neat?
Me: Whiskey in a glass without ice?
Some of my best friends are shaped like pills.
My lighter has 2 options:
Hate it when I put on active wear and nothing happens.
Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.