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Page of TuSoonShakur's best tweets

@TuSoonShakur : [summons a demon]
demon: oh crap jury duty

@TuSoonShakur: kid: let’s go to disneyland
dad: fair enough
kid: no, disneyland

@TuSoonShakur: CRUELLA DE VIL: you’re just giving away all of these coats for free?

SHELTER CLERK: yeah we call them rescues though

@TuSoonShakur: Bad comedy:

"Gonorrhea, but not forgottenorrhea. Am I right?"

*crickets*

"Jeez, y'all sure know how to avoid the clap. Am I right folks?"

@TuSoonShakur: Whenever I make a list of chores I always add one or two tasks that I have already accomplished so that I can experience the immediate satisfaction of crossing them off.

@TuSoonShakur: RAPUNZEL: oh no I'm out of hair

JOHNNY DEPP: *unraveling scarves* I got this

@TuSoonShakur: Based on a survey of yard signs in my neighborhood, it appears “Drive Like Your Kids Live Here” has a slight lead over both the Democratic and Republican candidates.

@TuSoonShakur: [simba and nala sit atop pride rock staring at a beautiful sunset]

simba: *pulls engagement ring from his hip pocket* circle of wife amirite!

nala:

simba:

nala: where’d you get a hip pocket?