@TuSoonShakur

Macbeth [waggling eybrows]: I know a spot

Lady Macbeth: out

Macbeth: but-

Lady Macbeth: OUT

@TuSoonShakur

{Annual Introverts Conference}

speaker: how y’all doing?
audience: *soft murmuring*
speaker: I said HOW Y’ALL DOING?
audience: *total silence*
speaker: that’s better

@TuSoonShakur

[Arsonist Conference] This year’s award goes to Jim Buford—c’mon up here Jim. Jim, you really razed the bar for all of us.

@TuSoonShakur

Sam Smith: ooh baby baby I’m dancing with a stranger

CDC: desist please

@TuSoonShakur

ALEX TREBEK: in einstein’s famous equation, this is equal to mc²

DOG:
CAT:
DOLPHIN: *furiously clicking buzzer*

@TuSoonShakur

Coach: Ice cream! My treat

Kids: Yay— wait where’s ours?

Coach: My treat

@TuSoonShakur

kid: let’s go to disneyland
dad: fair enough
kid: no, disneyland

@TuSoonShakur

CRUELLA DE VIL: you’re just giving away all of these coats for free?

SHELTER CLERK: yeah we call them rescues though