Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@Tups13 : Her: I’m a model.
Me: You look so real!
@Tups13: Why is it called a broken pelvis and not a hipwreck?
@Tups13: Once a baby dragon flew out in front of my car and I screamed. Turned out it was just a pheasant.
I have lots of good stories like this.
@Tups13: You hear about people running amok but what about people doing other things amok? I often eat chocolate amok and you don't hear about that.
@Tups13: Your time difference cannot harm me. My insomnia is like a shield of steel.
@Tups13: Me: Will you help me find my Pikachu onesie?
Her: Let’s split up.
Me: Good thinking. We can cover more ground that way.
@Tups13: I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
@Tups13: You don’t have to own a dog to carry a bag of poo around in public. Literally anyone can do it.
@Tups13: Why are they called library fines and not hush money?
@Tups13: Researcher: We’d like you to be part of a focus group.
Me [squinting terribly]: Who said that?
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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