@Tw1tter_K1tten

“It’s not a competition” you say as you lose the secret competition.

@Tw1tter_K1tten

My whole life is like when you’re talking to someone and your gum falls out of your mouth.

@Tw1tter_K1tten

Commercials for prescription drugs would be better if the actors had to act out the side effects too.

@Tw1tter_K1tten

It’s weird that on this date in Back to the Future they didn’t show people incessantly posting about Back to the Future.

@Tw1tter_K1tten

I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried.

@Tw1tter_K1tten

Accidentally drew my eyebrows on too dark and thick and now I live on Sesame Street with Ernie.

@Tw1tter_K1tten

Sent my husband to work with leftovers from dinner last night. His co-workers are going to be so jealous of his bowl of cereal.