Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of Tw1tter_K1tten's best tweets

@Tw1tter_K1tten : Hey honey, wanna role play?
I'll be Dexter.

@Tw1tter_K1tten: "It's not a competition" you say as you lose the secret competition.

@Tw1tter_K1tten: My whole life is like when you're talking to someone and your gum falls out of your mouth.

@Tw1tter_K1tten: Commercials for prescription drugs would be better if the actors had to act out the side effects too.

@Tw1tter_K1tten: I bet cats are sad that they don't have a middle finger.

@Tw1tter_K1tten: It's weird that on this date in Back to the Future they didn't show people incessantly posting about Back to the Future.

@Tw1tter_K1tten: I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried.

@Tw1tter_K1tten: Accidentally drew my eyebrows on too dark and thick and now I live on Sesame Street with Ernie.

@Tw1tter_K1tten: Sent my husband to work with leftovers from dinner last night. His co-workers are going to be so jealous of his bowl of cereal.