@TwatWaffler69

You think you’re going to win this? I’ve been acting out potential fake arguments in the shower for years.

You don’t stand a chance.

@TwatWaffler69

Wife wants to hang pictures of our kids in the bathroom. Like they don’t already spend enough time in there with us.

@TwatWaffler69

Wife: “they’re disgusting, they carry diseases, they eat garbage!”

Me: are we talking about your parents, raccoons, or the kids?

@TwatWaffler69

I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.

@TwatWaffler69

If my “check engine” light would check my wallet, it would know there’s nothing I can do about it.