@TweetsByKaylee: interview tip #86
be honest when asked about yourself
interviewer: so tell me about yourself
me: not without my lawyer present
god: you have 8 more left. be careful this time ok.
cat: *licking paw* you're the one who said sharks were fish
@TweetsByKaylee: detective: dammit *slams fist on table* tell me where he is
me: [confidently] the Fourth of July picnic
detective: but where exactly?
me: *holding where's waldo book* oh i'm gonna need more time
@TweetsByKaylee: murderer: oh no i forgot my weapon :(
aragorn: you have my sword
legolas: and you have my bow
gimli: and my axe
murderer: omg *tearing up* you guys :')
@TweetsByKaylee: [spelling bee]
moderator: your word is abandon
me: can you use it in a sentence?
moderator: everyone you love will abandon you
moderator: lol no not even close
@TweetsByKaylee: [after an argument]
me: *scribbling on a paper*
him: what's that? what are you writing?
me: *filing it alphabetically in a box marked "People Who've Wronged Me"* oh nothing
@TweetsByKaylee: Mushroom: what the heck am I?
God: you're a mushroom
Mushroom: is-is that good?
God: yes, you have a very important job to do
Mushroom: like what?
God: *envisioning Mario* when the time comes...you'll know
@TweetsByKaylee: [on the 7th day]
Dodo Bird: those humans you made, are they uh safe?
God: yeah totally harmless little dude
Dodo: *watching Adam sharpen a stone* c-can you maybe keep an eye on them?
God: *biting into a kit-kat* sure thing buddy