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Page of TweetsByKaylee's best tweets

@TweetsByKaylee : [marriage counseling]

prince eric: i just feel like the communication is lacking

ariel [frantically gesturing at legs and mouth]: Mm hm HM hm hm MM

@TweetsByKaylee: interview tip #86

be honest when asked about yourself

[later]

interviewer: so tell me about yourself

me: not without my lawyer present

@TweetsByKaylee: [heaven]

god: you have 8 more left. be careful this time ok.

cat: *licking paw* you're the one who said sharks were fish

@TweetsByKaylee: detective: dammit *slams fist on table* tell me where he is

me: [confidently] the Fourth of July picnic

detective: but where exactly?

me: *holding where's waldo book* oh i'm gonna need more time

@TweetsByKaylee: murderer: oh no i forgot my weapon :(

aragorn: you have my sword

legolas: and you have my bow

gimli: and my axe

murderer: omg *tearing up* you guys :')

@TweetsByKaylee: me: *hiding from kidnapper*

kidnapper: *sneezes*

me: BLESS YOU!

@TweetsByKaylee: [spelling bee]

moderator: your word is abandon

me: can you use it in a sentence?

moderator: everyone you love will abandon you

me: omg

moderator: lol no not even close

@TweetsByKaylee: [after an argument]

me: *scribbling on a paper*

him: what's that? what are you writing?

me: *filing it alphabetically in a box marked "People Who've Wronged Me"* oh nothing

@TweetsByKaylee: Mushroom: what the heck am I?

God: you're a mushroom

Mushroom: is-is that good?

God: yes, you have a very important job to do

Mushroom: like what?

God: *envisioning Mario* when the time comes...you'll know

@TweetsByKaylee: [on the 7th day]

Dodo Bird: those humans you made, are they uh safe?

God: yeah totally harmless little dude

Dodo: *watching Adam sharpen a stone* c-can you maybe keep an eye on them?

God: *biting into a kit-kat* sure thing buddy