How long after eating do I have to wait to drown someone?
My mother’s maiden name is Password.
According to the scale at my gym, all I’ve lost so far is 300 dollars.
Writing “fake bills” on all my credit card statements and sending them back.
On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.
Bacon causes cancer.
Canadian bacon apologizes.
Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.
Marries a mime. Lives quietly ever after.
A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.
I’m stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up.