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@TylerLinkin : How long after eating do I have to wait to drown someone?
@TylerLinkin: My mother’s maiden name is Password.
@TylerLinkin: According to the scale at my gym, all I've lost so far is 300 dollars.
@TylerLinkin: Writing "fake bills" on all my credit card statements and sending them back.
@TylerLinkin: On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.
@TylerLinkin: Bacon causes cancer.
Canadian bacon apologizes.
@TylerLinkin: Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.
@TylerLinkin: Marries a mime. Lives quietly ever after.
@TylerLinkin: A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.
@TylerLinkin: I’m stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up.