@TylerLinkin

According to the scale at my gym, all I’ve lost so far is 300 dollars.

@TylerLinkin

Writing “fake bills” on all my credit card statements and sending them back.

@TylerLinkin

On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.

@TylerLinkin

Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.

@TylerLinkin

A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.

@TylerLinkin

I’m stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up.