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Page of TylerLinkin's best tweets

@TylerLinkin : How long after eating do I have to wait to drown someone?

@TylerLinkin: According to the scale at my gym, all I've lost so far is 300 dollars.

@TylerLinkin: Writing "fake bills" on all my credit card statements and sending them back.

@TylerLinkin: On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.

@TylerLinkin: Bacon causes cancer.
Canadian bacon apologizes.

@TylerLinkin: Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.

@TylerLinkin: A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.

@TylerLinkin: I’m stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up.