Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of UGotMeRight's best tweets

@UGotMeRight : The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep.

@UGotMeRight: If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I'm gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth.

@UGotMeRight: My boss says I need to work on my people skills & he needs to work on his changing four slashed tires skills.

@UGotMeRight: You can catch a decent buzz from smoking catnip but don't be surprised if you wake up on top of the fridge.

@UGotMeRight: I think I'll go to church this morning. I need to repent all my sins & pray for the neighbors wife to covet me.

@UGotMeRight: The boss said I need to be more of a team player, so I rounded up all my coworkers & we kicked his ass.