Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of UncleDuke1969's best tweets

@UncleDuke1969 : “It’s-a me... Where’s-a Thanos?”

@UncleDuke1969: “The Mothership has returned. Gather your things and inform the others.”

@UncleDuke1969: "So, what's the plan?”

“You walk up and do your whole ‘rawr rawr’ shtick, and I’ll sneak around and grab their sammiches.”

@UncleDuke1969: WIFE: We want to renew our vows.
ME: *hands priest paper*
WIFE: We wrote them ourselves.
PRIEST: *pointing* What’s this word?
WIFE: “Combatant.”

@UncleDuke1969: I was wondering how they got the sign to just float in midair like that. Now it makes sense.

@UncleDuke1969: The 'theme' of every theme park is the need for more effective birth control.

@UncleDuke1969: *screams "I don't speak Mandarin!!!"

*the oranges finally shut up