at my age not even the shower wants to see me naked
“Put that down, Alan! I told you those are for company.”
N = Someone
O = Doesn’t
P = Understand
E = Acronyms
when you’re locked out of the house and you can see your keys sitting right there on the table
“Oh my god Harvey, you have GOT to see this bathroom.”
looks like stacy’s mom has got some competition
I’ll never understand why people buy dogs from breeders when growing your own is free and far more rewarding.
My wife handed me a clean towel and told me to “put it in its place.” So, I looked at it and said, “Don’t forget that you’re only a towel,” and I was reminded yet again of just how lucky this woman was to be married to me.
It was Timothy’s second week undercover, and frankly, he was getting absolutely nowhere.
The Birdles
“We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.”
Thursday, 4:01pm
“Still there.”
“Yep.”
“Looks blue.”
“It certainly does.”
“Wet too.”
“Totally.”
“See you next week?”
“Count on it.”
“I now pronounce you lunch and dinner.”
Teach your teenager a valuable life lesson; show them how to grow their own car, just like their ancestors did.
this is what happens when everyone feeds the same stray