@UnfilteredMama

Me: If you bit your brother again, you’re grounded.

Son: But I’m already grounded. WE’RE ALL GROUNDED!!!!!!

@UnfilteredMama

My husband was telling a long, boring story and my 10 year old interrupted with, “Surprising. But you know what’s not surprising? How much money Matt saved by switching to Geico.”

Anyway, I’m in trouble for laughing too hard.

@UnfilteredMama

I want my kids to know they can always talk to me about anything going on in their lives.

Except Fortnite.

@UnfilteredMama

We’re currently showing our home & still living there.

My husband hid the popcorn maker in the oven to make the kitchen look “cleaner.”

I preheated the oven to make dinner.

We’re going to be arguing about this for awhile.

@UnfilteredMama

My husband reminding me that Heidi Klum also has 4 kids is going to be the official cause of death on his death certificate.

@UnfilteredMama

My husband just announced he cleaned the bathroom.

In related news, my husband doesn’t know the definition of either “clean” or “bathroom.”

@UnfilteredMama

What’s parenting 4 kids like so far?
I’ve called the new baby Emily at least 3 times & nobody in our family even has that name.

@UnfilteredMama

Toddler: *babbling nonsense*

Me: Ok, got it!

Narrator: But she did not “got it” And this would make the toddler very angry.

@UnfilteredMama

My toddler had a meltdown at bedtime because her pajamas were “too comfortable.”

It’s a rough life.

@UnfilteredMama

My greatest accomplishment as a parent has been convincing my kids that Chuck E Cheese closes for “flu season.”