@VanVeenB

Tried pushing her against the wall to kiss her like all you guys suggested.

Put her head right through the drywall.

Goddam cheap motels.

@VanVeenB

If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan….

She’s a keeper!

@VanVeenB

Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone…..

or sandwiches….

Ain’t no sandwiches either.

@VanVeenB

Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they’re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.

@VanVeenB

Dance like nobody’s watching you.

‘Cause they’re not.
Nobody cares.

~Inspirational tweet~