Ab Muscles: You’re having ANOTHER cookie?
Ab Muscles: You’re just never planning on seeing us again?
My friend’s wife is so controlling. When they’re together, he talks like he’s filming a hostage video.
Boss: Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?
Me: It’ll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait?
It’s easier to compliment a woman when you’re traveling with a toddler.
“Son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes.”