@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar
@VerifiedJayy: According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn't what I thought it was
@VerifiedJayy: When a guy tries to talk to me while at a urinal I instantly slide over and start pissing in his urinal too. See how friendly he really is
@VerifiedJayy: My son: do kids that get bullied go to college?
Me: no they go to the police academy
@VerifiedJayy: How do Amish guys know if its a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
@VerifiedJayy: Good friends are hard to find. Especially if they stabbed me in the back. In fact you won't find them officer. Stop looking
@VerifiedJayy: Hey plastic surgeons, breast implants with squeaker toys in em. Get on that
@VerifiedJayy: Never tell a joke about a midget. They can come back to bite you on the ass