Me: You must train hard to beat Kylo Ren.
Rey: I already beat him once with literally no training.
Rey: Look. I still have two hands.
Rey: I want to be your Jedi student.
Me: Did you hear what happened to all my other Jedi students?
Me: Good. Let’s get started.
Me: If you want to be a Jedi, you have to follow strict rules.
Rey: Like what?
Me: Don’t hook up with anyone. They might be related.
Only 2 kids made it out of my Jedi class.
One killed the padawans.
The other was abandoned in the desert
I’m dreading that class reunion.
I ordered a pizza.
I don’t think the guy understood how to get here.
Is it free if it’s 5 years late?
I laughed at Yoda for hiding in a swamp
Then again, he’s the only Jedi to ever die from old age
Maybe he knew what he was doing after all.
I’m good at making friends.
Wait, that’s not right.
Correction: I’m good at making friends up.
I adopted a rock.
He just sits there and does nothing all day.
It still beats raising Kylo.
I’ve been yelling for years.
Now I’m convinced.
I’m definitely the only one here playing Marco Polo.
I got mad at a rock today.
I chopped it in half with my lightsaber.
Now there are two rocks.
Send help. Now.