Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of WGladstone's best tweets

@WGladstone : Should have guessed that Brad and Angelina weren't in it for the long haul when neither of them let themselves go.

@WGladstone: "She's got legs. She knows how to use them."
"So she's ambulatory then?"
"... I guess?"
"And is that really all you're looking for?"

@WGladstone: Just realized Franz Kafka was a lawyer so he was Kafka, esq.

@WGladstone: My 6 yr old asked me if "satire" is like a "flat tire." I told him no. People know how to handle a flat tire.

@WGladstone: Lady Gaga got engaged on Valentine's Day with a heart-shaped ring, indicating her fiance shares her love for bold originality.

@WGladstone: My upstairs landlord asked if screams were coming from my apt or if she was dreaming. Either way, one of us has a terrifying neighbor.

@WGladstone: When God closes a door, he opens a window. So God's pretty clearly getting high in his dorm room.

@WGladstone: I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them.