@WhaJoTalkinBout
if this pandemic happened in the 80s my mom would’ve sent us out to play with plastic bags over our heads and oven mitts
@WhaJoTalkinBout
@WhaJoTalkinBout
him: my dad left when I was younger, around 7
me: before rush hour, smart move
@WhaJoTalkinBout
me: sorry we’re late
st peter: what happened
grim reaper: *holding cotton candy and a giant teddy bear* traffic
@WhaJoTalkinBout
me: ok now let’s do a silly one
first guy in police line up: *kermit voice* give me all your cash
@WhaJoTalkinBout
me: instead of a baby I think I’ll get a dog
midwife: no, you won’t
@WhaJoTalkinBout
me: I quit drugs to concentrate on rock climbing
him: nice what’s the highest you’ve been
me: I tried to kiss a goldfish
@WhaJoTalkinBout
reporter: an asteroid is predicted to hit earth this week
me: *vacuums a little faster*
@WhaJoTalkinBout
Witch from Hansel and Gretel: Hey guys, welcome to my cooking channel, be sure to smash that subscribe button *children’s voices at the door* ok! let’s get started
@WhaJoTalkinBout
soldier: is that a picture of your love?
me: *folding a Subway coupon back into my wallet* yeah
@WhaJoTalkinBout
kids: can we have a popsicle?
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am