kids: can we have a popsicle?
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am
I need someone else to prevent forest fires for like 10 minutes.
me: I’m cold can I wear your hoodie
grim reaper: no
him, on one knee: will you marry me
onlookers: say yes! say yes!!
me: *mouth full of hotdog* tell us the biggest fight you’ve had so far
[commercial for pants] Is your underwear cold?
me: hey have you seen my keys?
patient I just operated on: no
me: go like this *wiggles*
[getting brutally stabbed] hey wait, you have an eyelash *gently removes it* make a wish
cop: *knocks on my car window*
me: sorry is the music too loud
me: *sets down bagpipes*
[meets someone on the internet a day younger than me] my child go and live
me: just checkin to see if you’re ok, missed you at dinner
telemarketer who calls at the same time every day: oh hey it’s not a good time, can I call you back