Me neighbor and I just exchanged nods acknowledging we’re both wearing the same outfit as yesterday.
I’m not fat. Just retaining cookies.
The best thing about snow is that now my lawn looks as good as the neighbor’s.
If ever a burglar entered my house, I take comfort in knowing they’d never get past the 17 pairs of shoes in the hallway.
Apparently, saying “grande” in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.
If anyone breaks in, I take comfort in knowing they’ll never get past the 20 pairs of shoes in the hallway.