“Are you really 43?”
Me: “who lies about being 43?”
Congrats on getting divorced while you’re still hot.
Looking through 15’s yearbook:
Me: you’d crack up looking at my high school yearbook from 1995.
8: did they have color pictures back then?
I don’t wash my car for months but the first week I do it rains 5 times. 😡
Hell hath no fury like an old lady scolding you for going in the wrong direction down a one-way aisle at the grocery store.
Me neighbor and I just exchanged nods acknowledging we’re both wearing the same outfit as yesterday.
I’m not fat. Just retaining cookies.
The best thing about snow is that now my lawn looks as good as the neighbor’s.
If ever a burglar entered my house, I take comfort in knowing they’d never get past the 17 pairs of shoes in the hallway.
Apparently, saying “grande” in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.