Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@WhatsAGreenhorn : Me: [dies in the living room]
Dad: He never liked following directions
@WhatsAGreenhorn: Me: What would you do to a Klondike bar?
Wife: To or for?
Me: Just one
@WhatsAGreenhorn: Me: Just reverse it, like a vasectomy.
Surgeon: I'm not putting your wisdom teeth back in.
@WhatsAGreenhorn: We're about two years from funerals starting and ending with, "don't forget to like, share and subscribe."
@WhatsAGreenhorn: I have literally never stopped thinking about this
@WhatsAGreenhorn: Me: I've been thinking about getting a buzz cut
Barber: I don't think you could pull it off
Me: Well no, you'd have to cut it off
@WhatsAGreenhorn: Grilled cheese is named after its creator, Grilliam Cheeseford Jr.
@WhatsAGreenhorn: Nurse: Hi I'm Sandi I'll be drawing your blood today.
Me: [not seeing a single red crayon] How?
@WhatsAGreenhorn: Comedian: Thanks everyone you've been great. Remember, under no circumstances should you tip your waitress.
Cow waitress: [mouths] thank you
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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