If your wife says “what would you do without me?”
“Live happily ever after” is NOT the correct answer.
Brrrr it’s cold in this doghouse 🙁
A spider jumped on my wife which made her stumble backwards and fall over her bag. Oh how I laughed!
Tweet posted from the guest bedroom.
Friend – You smell nice, what’s that perfume you’re wearing?
Me – Fear and fabric softener.
“Operator, run this licence plate please
Echo Alpha Tango
Delta India Charlie Kilo”
– Me, if I was a cop on the day I got fired.
Bad luck, Atheists named Christian.