I always carry a jellyfish with me in case a hot girl wants me to pee on her, but she is too embarrassed to ask.
How come Satan always seems to know exactly what I like?
Ancient Man “let’s form a partnership”
Wolves “I dunno. We saw what you do to cows”
Man “Haha, you can trust us” *hides sketch of chihuahua*
How can you tell when a duck is a witch?
I only Googled how to make a bomb so I can be sure I don’t accidentally have bomb making equipment in my house that would get me arrested in a surprise police raid.
Cop: And yet, here we are…
There are two ways to survive adversity: You become stronger or you become smarter.
I became fatter.
I’ve hired a circus clown for my funeral.
Not for any of that celebrate my life bullshit, just to sit silently at the back to freak my family out.
Let’s face facts, we all secretly suspected civilisation was just a phase.
I’ve never read Catcher In The Rye, mostly because I can’t stand cereals or baseball.
I love you just the way you are.
Though I do have a few suggestions.