Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@WilliamAder : Interviewer: If we hire you, where do you hope to be in five years?
Me: On paid administrative leave.
@WilliamAder: Not sure who graded these eggs as Extra-Large, but I'm guessing it was a guy.
@WilliamAder: How are they committing internet crimes from the space station when I can't get a decent signal in my kitchen.
@WilliamAder: Matthew McConaughey's name was spelled correctly on Twitter once, and has been copied and pasted every time since then.
@WilliamAder: Netflix and we'll have to call my ex to get the password.
@WilliamAder: Clerk at Lowes handed me my receipt and I said, "Have a good day." He responded, "Have an even better day," and now it's a god damned contest.
@WilliamAder: If the final episode of Game of Thrones doesn't feature a group hug with everyone singing "Kumbaya," then I don't know what I'm talking about.
@WilliamAder: You can change your cat's name every day. They don't care.
@WilliamAder: I wish my car's back-up camera had a "Save" button, because some of the expressions on their faces.
@WilliamAder: Bought a standing desk yesterday. Today I bought a bar stool.