Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of WilliamAder's best tweets

@WilliamAder : Interviewer: If we hire you, where do you hope to be in five years?
Me: On paid administrative leave.

@WilliamAder: Not sure who graded these eggs as Extra-Large, but I'm guessing it was a guy.

@WilliamAder: How are they committing internet crimes from the space station when I can't get a decent signal in my kitchen.

@WilliamAder: Matthew McConaughey's name was spelled correctly on Twitter once, and has been copied and pasted every time since then.

@WilliamAder: Netflix and we'll have to call my ex to get the password.

@WilliamAder: Clerk at Lowes handed me my receipt and I said, "Have a good day." He responded, "Have an even better day," and now it's a god damned contest.

@WilliamAder: If the final episode of Game of Thrones doesn't feature a group hug with everyone singing "Kumbaya," then I don't know what I'm talking about.

@WilliamAder: You can change your cat's name every day. They don't care.

@WilliamAder: I wish my car's back-up camera had a "Save" button, because some of the expressions on their faces.

@WilliamAder: Bought a standing desk yesterday. Today I bought a bar stool.