@WilliamAder

Remember when we thought “Any kid can grow up to be President” was a good thing?

@WilliamAder

Starting to think the frog dissection skills I learned in high school are never going to pay off.

@WilliamAder

It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart.

@WilliamAder

Someone hugged me at the office Christmas party and now they know my safe word.

@WilliamAder

“Damn you, Autocorrect!!!!” – Mark Zuckerberg, who had intended to announce that he was giving away 99% of his socks

@WilliamAder

Putting my Christmas decorations on the house across the street so I can, you know, see them.

@WilliamAder

Glad I’m not a general, because auto-correct just changed “lunch order” to “launch order.”

@WilliamAder

Me: This “Fear the Walking Dead” show is really creepy.
Wife: This is the Video Music Awards.

@WilliamAder

Arrogant Co-Worker: Do you have any idea how many years of education I have?
Me: Don’t feel bad, I got held back a couple of times myself.