Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@WineMummy : The scene from The Exorcist where she's tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it's me when getting a Brazilian.
@WineMummy: Sure laying me down on a "Bed of Roses" sounds all romantic and shit, but I much rather lay on a bed of fries and onion rings.
@WineMummy: [during sex]
Can you please take your Fitbit off.
@WineMummy: Only in Canada during a winter storm will you see kids playing road hockey.
@WineMummy: When you're on a date that's not going well, just start talking about genital psoriasis.
@WineMummy: A game of cat and mouse, but it's just me chasing random strangers when I see them with donut boxes.