@Wine_Honey1

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone collect change from the bottom of a fountain & stuff it in their bra to buy more liquor.

@Wine_Honey1

These people act like they’re never seen a naked store mannequin, holding a wine glass, sitting on someone’s front porch before.

@Wine_Honey1

Note to self: Don’t get so drunk and try to ride the zoo animals, no matter how friendly they are.

@Wine_Honey1

Pro tip: If you smear your lipstick all over your face like the Joker, people won’t talk to you.

@Wine_Honey1

If you ever come home and I’m in your house naked, I’m not stalking you. I just needed to borrow your wine opener, mine broke.

@Wine_Honey1

When placing an order online for a baby shower cake, make sure you’re not half asleep.

COPULATIONS! IT’S A BOY just confuses everyone.

@Wine_Honey1

The steak that I put in the Easy Bake Oven as a child is still not done

@Wine_Honey1

Be careful how much wine you drink, might end up vacuuming the driveway in your panties

@Wine_Honey1

People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen