Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@WittySassBasket : Currently blackmailing the IT guy to extend the wifi coverage for my new hiding place at work.
@WittySassBasket: I'm not heartless. It's just in a different purse at the bottom of the closet.
@WittySassBasket: *shows up to the funeral in the same outfit as the deceased*
@WittySassBasket: My auto reply to texts:
I would love to, but I have to [verb] a [noun] .
H: *yells from bedroom*
babe, do I smell cake?
M: *not looking up, eating cake from the pan*
nope, it's a new plug in
@WittySassBasket: Wait, wait, wait. Don't I get three wishes?
Cop: Ma'am, that's not how this works.
@WittySassBasket: I just had the best argument in my head and I cannot wait until someone pisses me off.
@WittySassBasket: He said 'send nudes' and my first thought was 'ugh, I just sat down.'
@WittySassBasket: I changed to high thread counts when I moved. I have fallen out of the bed 5 times. Super slippery. No wonder those Egyptians died young. Prolly slid right off they pyramids.
@WittySassBasket: *cracks neck*
*finishes juice box*
Ok. I'm in.