If there’s a “Mr.” in front of your cat’s name you’re going to die alone.
Really discouraging that there’s still bald people in sci fi movies.
If you love something, set it free.
If it returns, it probably can’t pay its student loans.
Comcast Cable acquiring Time Warner Cable is a lot like your proctologist acquiring a bigger finger.
Thanks for the Christmas card featuring the ultrasound photo.
Here’s one of my family gathered around an MRI of my knee.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior.
Me: Can I have another? I’d like to bring a guest.