@WorkingMom86: My toddler woke up upset because he couldn't find his glasses, but what really set him off was when I told him he doesn't even wear glasses.
@WorkingMom86: "Will I ever live in a clean house again?"
*shakes magic 8 ball
*magic 8 ball explodes and makes a mess
@WorkingMom86: My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that
@WorkingMom86: My son plays this game where he's a bowling ball and the bowling pins are everything we own.
@WorkingMom86: I would never let MY child act like that.
-things my friends without kids say.
@WorkingMom86: *at hostage negotiation class
Prof: Let's go around and say why we're here
Man: I joined the NYPD
Woman: I'm in the FBI
Me: I have a toddler