@XLToast

No son, you can’t go out with your friends. Tonight we’re installing Windows Updates, as a family.

@XLToast

Artist: I love painting you. Times are tough.
Model: Are you a starving artist?
Artist: Kinda. *continues brushing butter on model*

@XLToast

Help! Has anybody seen a little boy with a corndog?

Stranger: He’s over there!

Oh thank God! [steals little boy’s corndog and runs away]