I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either.
My wife nominated me to do the ice bucket challenge. I’m a little confused.
Has anyone else been asked to hold a toaster at the same time?
My GFs family are religious which sux
1st time I stayed there her dad wouldnt let us sleep together
Was a shame cuz he was very attractive
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Cops: Jay X?
Cops: Your dog has been reported to have chased someone on a bike.
Me: Thats bullshit my dog doesnt have a bike.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I’m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
I’m getting worried about this Ebola virus.
I mean, I’ve got Norton but.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with bodybuilding.
I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders.
Went to the gym and asked the trainer.
Could you help me do splits?
Trainer: Sure How flexible are you?
Me: I can only do Thursday.