Nobody in this grocery store thinks I’m a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four.
This chick at Walgreens is totally hitting on me. What’s your name? What’s your address? Do you have any questions for the pharmacist?
Sir, I cannot take you seriously. You’re wearing capris. Capris. CAPRIS.
If I did the math right, 8 of you are serial killers and 1,246 of you are eating Nutella.
What did I do before Twitter? Well, there’s my family and……OH MY GOD WHERE’S MY FAMILY?!?!
Define “no more Twitter or I will leave you.”