@ZachXJ

“Two thumbs up!” -man with 12 thumbs reviewing a movie he hated

@ZachXJ

Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, “Don’t tell my mom.”

@ZachXJ

I lost 50 pounds by having my wallet stolen in London AND YOU CAN TOO

@ZachXJ

i go to a lot of married ladies’ funerals and play the part of an upset lover just to mix things up and for free shrimp