Just found out I’ve been drinking straight up cold brew concentrate that’s supposed to be diluted 4 parts to 1, and now I know why I’ve been able to feel my scalp for the last month
Very proud of how these turned out. I bought them from a store like a normal person.
Every work meeting this week
It’s nice being home to spend time again with my first love: uninterrupted panic
Movies didn’t prepare us for the apocalypse to be this stupid
OMG my 5-year-old just put down her Legos and said “I was willing to give Joe Biden the benefit of the doubt from his time with Obama, but openly praising Dick Cheney, who orchestrated the legal precedent for torture, war crimes, and exacerbating global warming is disqualifying.”
Just found out the last message the Mars Rover sent was, “my battery is low and it is getting dark,” and I will be using the same message for anyone who texts me to hang out after 630pm
First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It’s lovely.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100’s of strangers’ mouths
I can’t remember a time in my life when an update for Acrobat Reader wasn’t available.