I hate being the walking dead.
I wish I could be the driving dead.
Even the bus riding dead would do.
I bumped into a cute guy today.
I clawed his face off.
I should work on my people skills.
Oh, so when a survivor takes an arrow to the head, it’s a “tragedy.”
But when a zombie get hit, it’s a “good kill.”
Zombies never bite hipsters.
They taste fine.
We just don’t want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool.
I hate how survivors leave the zombies they kill wherever they fall.
I’m not sentimental.
I’m just sick of tripping over them.
You can’t ban me from your neighborhood just because I “look scary” and “want to kill you.”
Do zombies go to heaven when they die?
I hope so.
There’s lots of nice people up there to eat.
My wedding vows said “till death do us part.”
My wife died, so I was a free man.
Then she came back and bit me.