@ZombieProblms

I hate being the walking dead.

I wish I could be the driving dead.

Even the bus riding dead would do.

@ZombieProblms

I bumped into a cute guy today.

I clawed his face off.

I should work on my people skills.

@ZombieProblms

Oh, so when a survivor takes an arrow to the head, it’s a “tragedy.”

But when a zombie get hit, it’s a “good kill.”

Hypocrites.

@ZombieProblms

Zombies never bite hipsters.

They taste fine.

We just don’t want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool.

@ZombieProblms

I hate how survivors leave the zombies they kill wherever they fall.

I’m not sentimental.

I’m just sick of tripping over them.

@ZombieProblms

You can’t ban me from your neighborhood just because I “look scary” and “want to kill you.”

That’s discrimination.

@ZombieProblms

Do zombies go to heaven when they die?

I hope so.

There’s lots of nice people up there to eat.

@ZombieProblms

My wedding vows said “till death do us part.”

My wife died, so I was a free man.

Then she came back and bit me.